Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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