I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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