Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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