how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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