Even the bartender felt bad for me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
