I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
