Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Are we still banned from the library?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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