he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
