everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So many bounce houses so little time
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
