I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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