wat bout pragnant strippers??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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