Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
sex in a hospital.. check
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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