So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
