Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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