I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
