we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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