she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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