it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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