HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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