when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I love you.
Bad choice
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
