can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
