He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
it's like heaven, but drunker
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
