2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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