Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
