My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize