i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
