I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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