We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will be naked everywhere
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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