Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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