My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
