i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
