I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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