Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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