A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
