He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
