I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
