I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
