I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
