so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
