She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
