that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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