Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
