New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
