i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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