Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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