Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
