If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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