i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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