Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I CAN MOONWALK!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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