why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
