I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
