Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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