rhymes with "ouble enetration"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
