I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
