I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
