don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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