Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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