he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
