We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
