Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
