I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
